Stop Beating Yourself Up!

We’ve all been there. We’ve all done stupid things—really stupid things. So, what do we do after we realize what we’ve done? Ask God for forgiveness, believe we are forgiven, and move on? Often, no. We beat ourselves up. Over and over . . . and believing Christians are among the worst at this. The hardest things for us to get over are the things we have done that hurt others, particularly when we cannot undo the damage.

For many of us, guilt becomes a frequent visitor. We’re minding our own business when guilt personified—the G-Monster—opens the door and invites himself in. Does he abuse us? Of course not. Why should he, when he knows we’ll willingly beat ourselves up?

All he does is remind us. “Have a seat,” he says. “We’ll watch this video I brought.” And there we are, watching ourselves do something stupid—again. Then, much to his delight, we begin to speak: “What kind of a father or mother would . . . ?” “And you call yourself a Christian? Look at what you’ve done!”

The G-Monster laughs hysterically while we lay into ourselves. Eventually, he leaves, promising to return with more videos.

Now, two questions:

· Is God glorified when we treat ourselves this way?

· Are the people we’ve hurt helped by this?

No doubt, guilt can serve a valuable purpose. When we’ve sinned, we need to acknowledge it, seek forgiveness, and make things right wherever possible. But there’s a world of difference between repenting of our sin and continually punishing ourselves for it. The first moves us toward God. The second keeps us trapped in the past.

It’s time we put the torch to the G-Monster’s hideous game. But how?

Countering the G-Monster with Faith

First, if you haven’t asked God for forgiveness, do so. But forgiveness can be tricky. Sometimes we struggle to believe He can forgive what we’ve done. If that’s where you find yourself, let me share a story that rocked my world.

After the Iron Curtain fell, a visiting missionary entered a bar in the former Soviet Union and shared the Good News of God’s forgiveness with a man sitting there. “God could never forgive me,” the man replied. “What have you done?” the visitor asked.

The man began relating his story: “I was a Russian Orthodox priest. When the Communists took over, they forced me to tell my parishioners that everything I’d taught them was a lie—that the Bible was a bunch of fairy tales. I did as I was told. God could never forgive me.”

The visitor replied, “Remember what you used to have people say every Sunday. You had them repeat the Creed: ‘I believe in the forgiveness of sins.’ Now you must decide whether you really believe in the forgiveness of sins.”

The missionary later recalled leaving the man staring at his drink, repeating: “I believe in the forgiveness of sins. I believe in the forgiveness of sins.” It’s one thing to believe God forgives sins. It’s another to believe He has forgiven mine.

And that’s where faith comes in.

When the G-Monster returns with his videos, remember Paul’s instruction to take up the shield of faith, extinguishing the flaming arrows of the evil one (Ephesians 6:16). We don’t have to sit through another showing. Why? Because “I believe in the forgiveness of sins!”

What to Say to Our Accusing Conscience

But there’s another enemy: our own conscience. Sometimes it joins forces with the G-Monster.

In Nehemiah 8, God’s people hear Ezra read the Law and recognize how badly they’ve failed Yahweh. Their disobedience has been serious and sustained. They listen and they weep. But the
Levites interrupt their grieving, saying, “Be still, for the day is holy; do not be grieved!” (Nehemiah 8:11, NASB) The Hebrew word translated “Be still” carries the force of “Hush! Be quiet!”

Their sins haven’t become less serious. But they’ve heard God’s Word and responded with sorrow. Now, on this holy day, they’re instructed to rejoice rather than continue mourning.

There’s a lesson here. There comes a point when sorrow over our sin has served its purpose. We’ve acknowledged our wrongdoing, humbled ourselves, and done what we can to make things right. God does not require us to keep punishing ourselves for sins we have stopped defending. In fact, He calls us to rejoice in our freedom!

Yet our consciences sometimes continue replaying the accusations. When that happens, it’s time to speak:

Hush!
Be quiet!
I believe in the forgiveness of sins!

Continuing to condemn ourselves is not repentance. It is refusing to live in the grace God has already given us.

When It Comes to Others, Watch for Traps

We’ve dealt with our relationship with God. But what about people we’ve hurt?

We have another responsibility: pursuing restoration wherever possible. But there are traps along the way.

Trap #1: Hopelessness

The G-Monster would love nothing more than for us to believe that the damage we’ve caused is irreversible. But consider Mary Magdalene. Jesus delivered her from seven demons (Luke 8:2). We are not told what led to her condition, but we know she became one of His devoted followers. Significantly, she was among the first to witness His resurrection (John 20). It is almost as though Jesus made a special point to see her, even saying her name, “Mary,” to which she replied, “Rabboni—my teacher!”

Those who work with deeply wounded people often observe that severe forms of bondage and dysfunction are frequently associated with profound wounds suffered early in life. While we cannot assume that this explains Mary’s condition, we do know what Jesus accomplished for her. Instead of surrendering to hopelessness, we can have confidence in His power to heal and restore. We can:

· Pray for healing.

· Pray for freedom.

· Pray for restoration.

· Above all, pray that they will love Jesus deeply.

That was Mary’s experience. Whatever else we may ask God to do, this is our greatest request for those we have harmed: that their hearts will be knit to His, that they will know Him, love Him, and follow Him. This is the ultimate victory.

But there’s another trap hidden inside hopelessness. It affects our prayers. Sometimes our prayers for those we’ve hurt are so filled with remorse that there’s hardly room for faith. We rehearse the damage, grieve over what cannot be undone, and finish praying more discouraged than when we began.

The reflex of pain is understandable. Wince if you must. But don’t stay there! Lift your eyes from what you’ve done to what God can do. Declare confidently:“I believe in Your ability to restore!”

This is where our shield comes in. It is the shield of faith, not the shield of remorse!

Trap #2: Distance

When we hurt people, they sometimes withdraw, and understandably so. When this happens our biblical strategy is simple: Reach out in humility. Where appropriate, seek an opportunity to acknowledge what you’ve done. Don’t minimize it, defend yourself, or shift responsibility. Words like “wrong,” “sin,” “no excuse,” and “all I know to do is ask you to forgive me” go a long way toward mending relational wounds.

But humility is more than words. It’s our posture toward the person we’ve hurt.

And here is an important caution: An apology is not a demand for reconciliation. The other person may need time or choose to maintain distance. Sometimes restoring the relationship may not be wise or possible.

Our responsibility is to own our wrongdoing, make appropriate amends, respect their response, and entrust the outcome to God.

Trap #3: Expectations

We often expect God to restore relationships and circumstances to exactly what they were before. But perhaps we’re confusing two things God does: restoration and redemption. Consider how often Jesus restored people. He restored sight, mobility, health, and dignity.

But situations are another matter. God doesn’t always put circumstances back the way they were. Instead, He often redeems them, bringing good out of something painful, even sinful.

So, here’s the distinction we need to grasp: God can restore people without restoring the relationship to what it once was.

Consider the Bible’s larger story. Humanity begins in a garden. Sin enters, and Adam and Eve are driven out. But in Revelation, the tree of life reappears and God dwells with His people. Yet the setting is no longer simply a garden. It’s a city!

God’s ultimate work of restoration is not merely a return to what once was.

Even Jesus’ disciples had to expand their expectations. In Acts 1:6, they asked whether Jesus was about to restore the kingdom to Israel. But Jesus redirected their attention toward a mission extending to the ends of the earth (Acts 1:7–8).

They were thinking about restoration. Jesus was directing them toward something much larger.

And that’s our challenge. We may be looking for God to restore what once was, while He’s preparing to accomplish something we haven’t even imagined.

Instead of demanding a reset, we ask God for redemption.

Take Faith to the Next Level

Think about your own life. Haven’t there been times when God used someone else’s mistakes—even their sins—to accomplish something good in you? Joseph certainly understood this. Looking back on his brothers’ betrayal, he told them, “You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good” (Genesis 50:20).

Now turn that principle around.

If God can use the sins of others for our good, why couldn’t He use even our own sins for the good of those we’ve hurt? We’re not excusing our wrongdoing. In fact, we’ve already acknowledged it and done what we can to make things right. But now we can boldly ask God to take the very damage we’ve caused and, through His astonishing grace, bring good out of it.

So let’s dare to ask Him to bring good out of it—even to use the experience for the ultimate good of those we’ve hurt. That is faith!

In the End

Will God restore every broken relationship? No. Will we always see how He redeems the damage we’ve caused? Not necessarily. But we can refuse to let our failures define the limits of His grace.

The G-Monster will undoubtedly come knocking again, videos in hand. But this time, we have something to say, and we’ve expanded our vocabulary!

I believe in the forgiveness of sins!
I believe in God’s ability to restore!
I believe in God’s ability to redeem!

So lift up your head! There is a way forward, even if there is no way back. People who are convinced they have been forgiven are the best advertisement for the Kingdom.

It’s time we took grace as seriously as we take sin.

Talk it Out

These are the kinds of truths that set people free (John 8:32). If this is your story, I sincerely ask—please, please, share your victory with us. Often, one line stands out as being particularly liberating. Without identifying your mistake or sin, tell us which line seemed to jump off the page. You will doubtlessly encourage the rest of us!