Absalom. Anyone who mentions the name of this Old Testament anti-hero recalls a man who was restless, torn from within. Worse, his inward battles projected outward. But when we read the full story of Absalom in 2 Samuel 13–18, we learn that something happened earlier in his life that set this cause-and-effect in motion. His half-brother had violated his full sister, and a dragon was birthed in Absalom’s soul. To feed the dragon, Absalom devised a plot and killed his half-brother. As a result, his father, King David, cut him off from his presence. Despite a surface reconciliation, the dragon was still alive, and Absalom staged a revolt against his father, and the most dramatic account of civil war found in the Bible unfolded. War within Absalom’s soul spread far and wide. In short, Absalom was a man who was striving, meaning there was strife in his heart that drove him to do things that were harmful to himself and to many others.
In this article, the term “striving” refers to a specific type of heart condition. We often think of striving in a positive way—striving to achieve, striving to improve, striving even to do good for others. However, the word originally comes from the root word “strife,” which derives from the Anglo-French word estri, of Germanic origin, which is similar to the Dutch word striden, to fight. It connotes a tendency toward contention and quarreling. So, to be clear, this article will not use the term “striving” in any positive sense, but will always refer to it in its classic, negative meaning.
Taken this way, striving is deadly. But it is rarely ever addressed by the church today, even though the Bible mentions it often. It’s time to take a look at the subject, and to take an honest look at ourselves. Think about the strivers you know. People who fall into this category are never truly happy. They are either always beating themselves up or beating other people up. The more intense the pain, or the more they are reminded of it, the more they strive.
How This Happens
Strivers are not born that way. Like Absalom, something happened to them earlier, so now they are out to resolve whatever had gone wrong. Every relationship, every situation is affected by this “something.” You can easily identify strivers because they always have something to prove to themselves or to others or both. They are trying to right a previous wrong. They are out to acquire something or to achieve something or to balance something out by overcompensating. While there is nothing inherently wrong with applying ourselves and accomplishing great things, this is different. More than productivity is at stake here. Strivers are usually very gifted people who leave a path of destruction alongside their accomplishments.
Strivers and the Bible
So, what does the Bible have to say about striving? First, Proverbs 28:25 identifies pride as the source of strife. Pride indeed stands behind a striving soul, but it is a wounded pride that drives it. Further, the word “striving” is mentioned 10 times in the short book of Ecclesiastes. In fact, two of the most common words in the book are “vanity” and “striving,” and that is the point—strivers are engaging in a vain enterprise. They will never fix what is broken; they will never be content, no matter how much they “succeed.”
The New Testament, for its part, focuses more on the context of strife, placing it in a list of such expressions as jealousy, disputes, slanders, gossip, disturbances (2 Cor 12:20), envy, abusive language, evil suspicions (1 Timothy 6:4), enmities, dissensions, and factions (Galatians 5:20). Chaos accompanies strivers wherever they go.
It is a Root
Here is where I have to confess: Years ago, I realized that much of my life had been spent in striving. I realized that striving had been the root of many relationships gone bad, of an inability to handle pressure, of many misunderstandings going both directions. Conflict became commonplace. Why? Because my dragon didn’t like their dragon and vice-versa. I tried to conceal what was going on, but I never dealt with the root problem. I was still over-exerting myself. I was always wanting to achieve more, work later, get up earlier because, after all, I had things to prove. But ask me if I was happy. Strivers are never happy.
And my story is just one expression of striving. Who knows how many divorces, how many affairs, how many addictions, how much insomnia, how many other health-related issues derive from this same hideous root? Do you see all that the dragon is doing to us? Do you see how it defames the glory of God and wrecks the lives of those who name His name?
People of Peace
Thankfully, I began to see truths in the Bible, and they started, ironically, with David’s family. Recall that, when David wanted to build a Temple for God, God told him that he was not the man for the job because he was a man of war. God gave the task to his son Solomon, who was a man of peace.
So why was it so important for a man of peace to build the Temple? As it turns out, this point in history was a watershed moment in the life of God’s people. Prior to Solomon’s reign, God’s people were claiming the territory God had given them. They were a people of war. But by Solomon’s reign that mission had been accomplished, and God made it clear that the nations were now going to come to Jerusalem to seek after Him. These other nations would have been hesitant to come and seek God if a man of war had built the Temple, but since it was built by a man of peace, the door was open.
This historical dividing line reframes the rest of the Old Testament as well as the entire New Testament. While many Christians assume a paradigm shift between the Old and New Testaments, I submit that the paradigm shift was well underway before the New Testament era. Follow with me:
Beyond the man-of-war/man-of-peace distinction just mentioned, several generations after Solomon, Isaiah presents the model for the future in the form of the Suffering Servant. Several more centuries later, Jesus confirms that His people are not to resist evil, but to do good to even their enemies. Further, Luke 13:34, 2 Corinthians 5:21, and 1 Peter 2:23 all confirm that Jesus was the fulfillment of Isaiah’s Suffering Servant prophecy. Paul’s ministry of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18) further confirms that peace is central to the New Testament identity and mission.
Breaking Free
So how do we become people of peace? What is the pathway out for those who are torn by a striving heart? Perhaps there are several pathways, but I will share my own journey. It begins in Jeremiah 11, where we get a window into Jeremiah’s soul. There we find that Jeremiah is suffering persecution. After he complains in prayer, he eventually surrenders his situation to God. He prays in 11:20, “To You, O Lord, I commit my cause.” The word “cause” is a legal term, referring to an argument in court. So he surrenders the argument he is wanting to make, but cannot, because the people in power are so wicked. In the New Testament, 1 Peter 2:23 tells us that Jesus extended this principle of releasing even further. He didn’t just entrust His cause; He entrusted His very being to the Father. He didn’t revile; He didn’t try to prove Himself when people were goading Him to come down from the cross; in a word, He didn’t strive, but entrusted Himself to God. And that is the heart of the matter—strivers are not trusting God. They can’t let go. The dragon won’t let them.
As I reflected on these passages, I thought of all the times I had been misunderstood but didn’t have a chance to speak for myself, all the times someone had repeated a bad report about me, all the things I wanted to say but never had the chance to. I released it all, along with the accompanying pain. I entrusted myself completely into the hands of God, and for the first time in forever, I found peace at the center. I understood what it means to cease striving and know that He is God. When I finally laid it all down, I looked and realized that the dragon was down, as well. At last, I could honestly say that it was well with my soul. I was finding my identity as a man of peace.
I then looked at my whole life in retrospect, thinking of all the years I had spent striving. Much of the time, I had honestly thought I was pleasing God, believing that my striving was the price I was paying for obedience. I had confused striving and labor. Labor is a worthy undertaking. We are commanded to labor six days a week (Exodus 23:12). We are all called to labor for God (1 Corinthians 15:10, Colossians 4:12). But striving runs counter to being a person of peace. It is antithetical to our calling.
One Final Word
Finally, I offer a word of exhortation: Learn contentment. Striving is a learned disposition, and so is contentment. Learn to accept others even when you don’t understand them. Learn to live with situations that are less than ideal. Balance your initiative with a reasoned patience; pace yourself; stop trying to do more than you are designed to do. Learn to lose gracefully; no one wins every time. And believe in His love for you (1 John 4:16). People who know they are loved are contented people. And only contented people can effectively reach out to others for the cause of peace.
May we, with God’s help, reach the heights and depths that Absalom never knew. May we seek until we find the peace at the center we all long for, so that we can experience and reflect the life of Him who owns the title Prince of Peace.