Forgiveness: Another Way There

2 Timothy 3:16 says that all Scripture is profitable. But not every Scripture profits everyone in the same measure. What greatly helps one person may not help another, but it is still profitable. Here is how this plays out: Sometimes a passage we’ve heard a hundred times leaves us struggling, while another passage suddenly opens our eyes to something we’ve been missing.

I learned this years ago. When I was in my twenties, a friend and I were discussing pornography. I mentioned Jesus’ teaching that lust amounts to adultery in the heart. Yet I confessed that, although I knew His words were true, they hadn’t helped me overcome temptation. My friend agreed.

I proceeded to tell him that I had discovered help—profit!—in an unexpected place. Ecclesiastes 1:8 says that the eye is never satisfied with seeing. That truth struck me: No matter how much I see, I will always want to see more. Pornography is a black hole that consumes without ever satisfying. Why go there?

I’ve discovered that a similar principle applies to unforgiveness. When someone struggles to forgive, we often turn to Jesus’ parable of the unforgiving servant (Matthew 18:23–35). It’s a powerful warning, but some people hear it and remain stuck. They desperately want to forgive, but for them, getting there all at once seems to be a bridge too far.

Here is what I want to offer: another way toward forgiveness.

I believe unforgiveness, like other sins, often rests on underlying lies. My goal here is to expose several of the lies that keep us holding on, counter them with biblical truth, and then see how Scripture shows us the way toward release.

Lie #1: I rule.

One of the main reasons we fail in this area is because we envision an ideal world where we are in total control of everything that concerns us. When someone wrongs us, they are getting in the way of our dominion, taking what is “ours” and messing up our ideal world.

We can avoid this trap by genuinely laying everything down before the fact and acknowledging the lordship of the only One who truly is King.

This involves stepping off our throne and humbly acknowledging that we are not the center of the universe. This helps us maintain our equilibrium when—not if—someone crosses over into “our” territory and kicks the props out from under us.

We are not lord.
We are not king.
He is.

Lie #2: I will keep what is mine forever.

We often struggle to forgive because someone has wrongfully taken something from us.

But consider the remarkable example of the believers described in Hebrews 10:34. They “accepted joyfully the seizure of [their] property,” knowing they possessed something better and lasting.

Notice: they weren’t merely resigned to their losses. They accepted them joyfully! Why? Because they trusted God’s promise of something far greater than what had been taken from them.

And consider another truth: Paul reminds us that we brought nothing into this world and can take nothing out of it (1 Timothy 6:7; see also Job 1:21; Ecclesiastes 5:15).

Almost everything we possess is something we will eventually have to release anyway. Our possessions, careers, and even reputations will one day be left behind.

Think of it this way: when someone wrongfully takes what belongs to us, we are experiencing a kind of dress rehearsal for the day when we must release everything.

So, here is an intermediate step toward forgiveness:

If we can release the debt—what someone has taken from us—we often find it easier to release the debtor.

Lie #3: I have to defend myself.

Jeremiah show us another intermediate step toward forgiveness: releasing our case.

In Jeremiah 11:20, the prophet prays:

“O LORD of hosts, who judges righteously,
Who tries the feelings and the heart,
Let me see Your vengeance on them,
For to You have I committed my cause.”

Notice three steps in Jeremiah’s prayer.

First, he asks God for justice. Forgiveness does not require us to abandon justice. If someone commits a crime against us, we can seek appropriate justice. For example, if someone breaks into our home and is apprehended, the police will likely ask whether we want to press charges. Many of us would answer yes. It is possible to say yes to both justice and forgiveness.

Second, Jeremiah openly expresses his anger. He doesn’t pretend that the wrongdoing was insignificant or that his feelings didn’t matter. As the psalmist demonstrates over and over, this is a legitimate expression when channeled through prayer.

But the most important part comes at the end:

“For to You have I committed my cause.”

Jeremiah hands his case over to God. The Hebrew word translated cause is rîb (pronounced “reeve”)—a legal term referring to a dispute or court case.

Forgiveness often becomes difficult because of conversations we never get to finish. Someone attacks us, and we cannot find the words to respond. Someone spreads a false rumor, and we never get the opportunity to set the record straight. We keep rehearsing what we wish we had said, or could have said if only we had been given the chance. We can entrust those unfinished disputes to the One who judges righteously.

Releasing our case is another significant step toward releasing the person.

Lie #4: My life is forever ruined.

Joseph takes us one step deeper. He teaches us to release our story.

Joseph had been deeply wronged by his brothers. He lost years of his life as a result of what they had done to him. Time is one of the most precious gifts God gives us, and when we are robbed of years, we have lost something that can never be replaced.

Joseph had every reason to look backward and say: “My brothers have wrecked my life.” But toward the end of his story, when his brothers feared that Joseph would finally retaliate, he said: “You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good.” (Genesis 50:20) Notice that Joseph does not minimize what they did. He calls it evil. Forgiveness does not require us to paper over the harm done to us.

But Joseph learned that the evil intentions of other people do not constitute the final verdict on our lives. While his brothers had certainly written a terrible chapter, they did not get to write the ending. God did.

Over time, Joseph saw God take his suffering and fold it into a much larger plan to preserve multitudes of people—including the very brothers who had wronged him. But it took time.

And therein lies our problem: we judge God’s plan in the moment while His plan is still marinating. Forgiveness comes much more easily when we entrust our life-story to God, even before we get to see the bigger picture.

Lie #5: I can’t trust anyone.

Without a doubt, other people have and will let us down. When that happens repeatedly—and when the pain is especially sharp—we become jaded. The walls go up, and we jealously protect whatever we have left.

The biblical examples we’ve just considered are helpful. Now Jesus takes us deeper still. What did Jesus do when He suffered unjustly? First Peter 2:23 tells us that rather than retaliating or threatening His enemies, He “kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously.”

Look carefully at the progression.

Jesus didn’t merely entrust His possessions, His arguments, or His life story to God. He entrusted His very self—His entire being—to the Father.

Earlier, Peter declares, “He who believes in Him will not be disappointed” (1 Peter 2:6). The Greek employs an emphatic negative construction in this verse, meaning that those who trust Him will not, will not, ultimately be put to shame.

Other people may prove unworthy of our trust. God will not. So take the trust that has been misplaced, violated, or abused and place it in the One who is worthy of it.

And now we can see the thread running through all four passages: trust.

Forgiveness becomes more attainable as we transfer our trust away from our own ability to retain our possessions, secure justice, repair our story, and protect ourselves—and place that trust in God.

Letting Go Isn’t Enough

We are often advised to “just let it go.” But Scripture isn’t asking us to drop something into empty space. We’re releasing it to Someone. This is a major distinction. Biblical release is not simply letting go. It is handing over into the care of Another—a significant Other. And that may explain why some of us have struggled so long to forgive.

We’ve been trying to let go when what we really needed to do was hand over.

And now the progression comes into focus. After we acknowledge that He is King and we are not, we:

· Release the debt — Hebrews 10:34. We can surrender what was taken because we trust God’s promise of something better and lasting.

· Release the case — Jeremiah. God can judge this.

· Release the story — Joseph. The person who hurt us does not control how our lives turn out.

· Release yourself — Jesus. We can entrust our entire selves to the Father.

Then, then we release the person.

If you can’t remember all of this, the idea behind these interim steps is to acknowledge His rule and to commit all that you are and have to Him. The guiding principles are humility and trust.

Where Did You Find Treasure?

We began with the reminder that all Scripture is profitable, though different passages may profit us in different measures. Psalm 119:162 captures the joy of discovering a truth we desperately needed: “I rejoice at Your word, as one who finds great spoil.” Sometimes the treasure has been there all along. We simply hadn’t recognized its value.

Did something in this article give you an “aha!” moment? Perhaps a passage of Scripture suddenly became clearer, or you discovered another way to approach forgiveness.

I’d love to hear what you discovered. Share your treasure in the comments. Your discovery may help someone else find theirs.